what can you do when your good isn't good enough?
by crazyaboutthem
Summary: "She just laughs as Finn hugs her. Sometimes if you hang on for a little while longer things will get better in a way you never expected them to." - AU, how things changed for Rachel when she least expected them to... Enjoy! Rated M for mature themes and the glee club's potty mouths.


**A/N: Well, guys this is just an idea that popped into my mind out of nowhere really, so I apologize if it sucks. This should be happening after the Finchel break up in season 2, and the whole Fuinn thing NEVER happened. It's kind of dark, and M rated for language and suicide theme, just a heads up. But you guys know me, I'm a sucker for happy endings. Also, this is not a crossover with ER, but there are a few characters from the show in here. Anyways, enjoy :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my mistakes.**

xxxxxxx

You know, she has feelings. It may seem as though she can overcome anything, and she's super strong and everything, but she still has feelings. And she _hurts_. When someone throws a slushie at her, it hurts. When someone says something about her being obnoxious and annoying it hurts. When they make fun of her parents or her ideas, or just her,_ it really hurts._

And sometimes she thinks about it you know? What if she was no longer here? What if she suddenly disappeared? Would it matter to anyone besides her parents? Would someone miss her? Would they even realize she was missing?

It's been a really crappy day, three slushies, way too many comments, and looks, and drawings in the bathrooms. Her fathers are away. Her mother doesn't want her. Finn doesn't want her. And she's just_ tired._ She's really tired of just being alone. So she doesn't go home. She drives out to the lake and lays there, looking at the sky. She never thought she'd get to this point. The point where she questions her own life.

She looks at the water, so calm, yet a perfectly plausible way to die. She takes a deep breath, stands up and enters the water. It's cold. She sinks down and opens her eyes under the water. It's rather late so it is dark under there, she can't exactly see. But she sees other things. Like Broadway. And her dads. And her idols who never gave up, and she thinks, "what am I doing?"

She resurfaces and gets out, coughing, tears running down her cheeks.

"Who's there?", she hears a deep familiar voice calling, and she startles.

"Finn?", she manages to choke out.

"Rachel?", he responds coming out of some bushes. "What the hell were you doing in there?", he says, rushing to her and hugging her since she's shivering from the cold. She doesn't answer. "Rach?"

"Nothing", she whispers, as she continues to cry, and refuses to look at him. "What are you doing here?", she asks instead, to distract him.

"I came out here to think."

"Oh, right. What's wrong?", she asks, remembering that he always comes out here to think whenever it gets too much.

"Nothing, never mind", he says instead, as he tries to make her look at him.

She pulls away. "Well, I'm gonna head home. Goodbye Finn", she says and walks away before he can say anything.

xxxxxxx

He's worried. He saw her getting into the water and he was about to get in to get her out when she came out by herself. He doesn't want to think if his theory is right as to what she was doing, but then again, he's never seen her so depressed. So that's how he finds himself driving really slow behind her. He just wants to make sure she gets home okay. And that's how he sees it happen. It's really fast so he doesn't know exactly what has happened until he sees her car turned upside down in the middle of the road. He runs to her car, screaming her name.

As he gets to her car, he sees her inside, head bleeding, eyes closed. He tries to open the door, but it's kind of impossible since it's all jammed down. And her belt is stuck and fuck, they don't teach you what to do in these situations at school. He gets his cellphone out, sends out a prayer to whoever is listening, thanking there's a signal, and calls 911.

He's so fucking scared he doesn't know if the woman on the other side of the phone got something out of what he said, but apparently she did, cause she's telling him to stay still and don't move Rachel and a team should be there in fifteen minutes.

The thing is, a lot can happen in fifteen minutes. You could make a phone call. You could skim through a magazine. You could probably sing four songs. And, Rachel could die.

xxxxxxx

The car ride from the lake road to Lima Memorial is fifteen minutes, he gets that. But that would be forty minutes for Rachel. Cause she waited fifteen minutes inside that car, ten minutes to get her out, and another fifteen minutes to get to the hospital. He's driving behind the ambulance, glancing at the clock on the dashboard every two seconds, counting minutes and adding and trying to remember anything from his biology class. But his mind is blank except for songs. He thinks about Don't Stop Believin' , and No Air, and True Colors, and Faithfully, and, Don't Go Breaking My Heart, and Last Christmas, and basically every single fucking song he and Rachel sung together.

_Fuck._

Then, he's finally entering the hospital, parks somewhere, and runs through the ER doors, banging on a window where there's a nurse.

"What can I do for you kid?", the nurse says, with a bit of a Latino accent.

"My f-friend. They brought her in. She had a car accident", he kind of stutters, wincing.

The nurse looks at him with a sympathetic look. "I'm sorry, only family allowed"

A doctor appears. "It's okay, Chuny. We need to ask him some stuff for the history", she says looking at Chuny, as she opens the doors for him and he walks in, ready to go look for Rachel. "But first," the doctor says to him, "give Chuny here the girl's parents' phone number so we can call them"

He racks his brain, but he doesn't know Mr. Berry's cell number, and he seriously doubts they're home. "Um, I don't remember-"

"Finn?", he hears and then his mother appears beside him with a really worried look on her face. "What are you doing here? What's wrong?"

The sight of his mother makes everything more real and he starts to tear up. "It's Rachel, mom. She had a car accident, and I was there and god, she was bleeding, and - and -". He starts gasping for air while his mother hugs him.

He hears his mother tell Chuny Mr. Berry's cell, and then she talks to the doctor. "Abby, where's Rachel?"

"Trauma 1", Abby, the doctor says. "We need to talk to him, Carole. We need a history"

Carole nods and looks at him. "Honey, do you think you can answer some of Dr. Lockhart's questions here?"

He takes a few deep breaths, calming himself down, and nods. His mother smiles and all three of them sit on a few chairs.

They want to know of any allergies, illnesses, meds she might be on, and what happened. He tries to answer the best he can, because as far as he knows, Rachel is the healthiest person he's ever met. Abby thanks him and gets up to leave.

"Can I see her?", he asks.

Abby turns to look at him. "The doctors are still working on her, but I'll let you know as soon as you can, okay?", she answers, smiling sympathetically at him.

He nods numbly as she turns and leaves. "Honey, why don't you call the glee kids? You need them. Rachel needs them"

He nods and gets his phone to call Kurt.

xxxxxxx

He doesn't think he's ever driven as fast as he is now. He doesn't think there's ever been a moment between Blaine, Mercedes, Artie, Tina, Mike and him when they were all as quiet as they are now, except for Tina's crying. All he'd gotten from Finn's phone call was hospital, car accident, Rachel. He'd barely washed his face, taking off his facial as he'd started calling everyone. Blaine, Mercedes, Artie, Tina, Mike and him in his car, while Quinn, Santana, Brittany, Sam, and Puck in Quinn's car, right behind them, and Mr. Schue and Ms. Pillsbury in another.

They finally get to the hospital and Finn's waiting for them at the door, and he looks like a mess. His hearts breaks for his bother, still as in love with Rachel as ever. Rachel. He could very easily cry right know, but his brother needs him, so he'll stay strong for him.

Nobody says anything. They all just walk inside the hospital together and sit in silence in the waiting room. It all seems so surreal. One of them is in one of those rooms, fighting for her life, while he was in his room, with Blaine, getting a facial and listening to some music.

Blaine grasps his hand tightly. He doesn't know Rachel very much, yet he's still here. He thinks he would be lost without him. He squeezes back. He looks at the faces of the glee kids. Mike holding a crying Tina, and his own face looks kind of desolate. Mercedes next to them, holding one of Tina's free hands and a few tears roll down her cheeks, while her other hand grasps Artie's hand, who's crying as well. Santana and Brittany holding hands next to them. Brittany looks like someone killed her puppy, and Santana looks haunted. Sam and Quinn, holding each other, both of them shedding a few tears. Quinn looks lost, and haunted, pretty much like Santana. Puck is next to Finn, trying to look tough and strong, but his eyes look glassy. Finn's a mess. His eyes are red and puffy, his skin is even paler than normal, and he looks so lost in his own thoughts, so broken. Mr Schue and Ms Pillsbury are right next to him, trying to be strong for everyone.

And him? He's still shocked, and really can't believe it's them in this situation and not someone on TV. It's all surreal.

xxxxxxx

It's been about half an hour since the rest of the glee club got here and still no news. He can't stop thinking about the lake. Should he tell the doctors about it? Is it relevant? Is that the reason why this is happening to her? What is the reason this is happening to her? And why was she at the lake? Was she really trying to kill herself?

Oh, God. He can't breathe. Rachel's in there. She almost killed herself and she doesn't want to live and how the hell is she supposed to fight for her life if_ she doesn't want it?_ He feels Mr Schue's hand on his back. And then Puck's. And suddenly everyone's around him. But he can't listen to what they're telling him because, fuck, _Rachel wants to die_. Why the fuck does she want that? Fuck. Fuck._ Fuck_.

"Finn!", he faintly hears Kurt's voice. "Breathe, Finn!"

Breathe? Why would he? She doesn't want to.

Puck's fist is on his back, hitting him. And he starts coughing. He starts breathing. And he starts crying. He breaks down crying in front of everyone, while Mr Schue hold him, and shushes him, and tells him everything's gonna be alright. How can everything be alright when Rachel wants to fucking die?

"What?", he hears Quinn whisper. Did he say that out loud?

Mr Schue stops holding him and looks at him. "What did you say Finn?"

Finn looks at everyone. They all look so shocked and Tina and Mercedes are a fucking mess.

"Okay, people, okay. Let him breathe", Kurt says, moving everyone. "Come on Finn, let's have a coffee okay?"

"No, I don't want to leave", he manages to choke out.

Kurt looks at him. "Okay, then come sit with me. Come on", he says, grabbing him and they both sit apart from the rest.

Kurt doesn't say anything. He waits for him to talk. "I was at the lake, just thinking about everything you know? When I saw her getting there and she just laid down on the grass and looked at the sky. And she was just so focused on whatever she was thinking I didn't want to disturb her, so I just watched her. Then she got up and walked into the lake. Dressed and everything, she just, walked into the lake and went underwater. I waited and waited and_ waited,_ and I was about to go into the water to get her out when she suddenly emerged and walked out and started coughing and crying and shit, she was almost _drowning_. I asked her what was she doing, and was startled but said nothing and just left. And I know her, so I knew something was up, so I just followed her in my truck and then the next thing I know her car is upside down. And fuck... She- She-"

"Shh", Kurt says hugging him, and when did he start holding him? But Finn doesn't care and he just starts crying into his brother's shirt, missing Kurt's tears.

xxxxxxx

Finally, the doctor comes out, and he sees it's Abby. It's been about fifteen more minutes, and he'd gotten a call from Mr Berry telling him that they're at the airport in Chicago taking the next flight and should be arriving in three hours or so. They'd talked to Carole who had explained what she could the best she could, and they'd thanked him for being there for Rachel.

Abby seems a bit taken aback by how many people are here, clearly expecting to see only Finn. Finn stands up and walks over to her. Abby looks at everyone a bit wearily.

"We're all her friends. And they're our teachers", he says pointing to Mr Schue and Ms Pillsbury. "Her parents are arriving in about three hours. They're flying in from Chicago"

Abby nods. "Well, we've managed to stabilize her for now, but she has some serious injuries. She broke two ribs, her left leg, collapsed her right lung, and has some slight brain swelling. She's still unconscious for now, and should be for a while now. But with good care she should be okay."

Everyone lets out a sigh of relief, but not him. Because one has to _want_ to live in order to get better, right?

"Are there going to be any side effects?", Mr Schue asks.

"She'll probably have to do some physical therapy for her leg but she should regain full use of it", she answers smiling at Mr Schue.

"And her lung? She's a singer", Mr Schue explains.

"She should be fine, but it's still too early", Abby answers.

He thinks Mr Schue's going to ask something else, but before he has a chance to, a small brunette nurse comes out. "Abby, she's crashing!"

Abby runs back into the trauma room without another word and he tries to go after her but is stopped at the door by the same nurse. "You can't go in there!", she says as she struggles with him. He keeps fighting and he looks through the glass doors and he sees Abby using that electrical shock thing on Rachel and he loses it.

"Sam! We need you in here!", Abby screams.

"Yeah, kind of busy!", the nurse holding him, Sam, yells back.

Mr Schue, Puck and Sam appear then and grab him, and the nurse goes into the room and soon another doctor puts a curtain behind the doors and he can no longer see and fuck he knew it all along, she's_ giving up._ And please don't Rachel. _Please don't give up_. But it's useless. She can't hear him, can she?

xxxxxxx

Both Abby and Sam come out ten minutes later.

"We've managed to stabilize her yet again, but we discovered some internal bleeding in her belly, so she's going to need surgery", Abby says.

He nods numbly and Mr Schue asks some questions he can't really hear. And then both Sam and Abby leave to take Rachel to surgery.

Mr Schue forces them all to go to the cafeteria to have some coffee, and he doesn't want to, and he's not hungry, but the surgery's gonna be a couple of hours, so he goes with them and sits next to Quinn who keeps one of her hands Sam's but rests the other on his back, and he's shocked, because doesn't she hate Rachel? But then he looks at her, and at everyone and it doesn't really matter does it?

And then he remembers. He remembers the lake and he glares at Quinn and shrugs her hand off and stalks out of the cafeteria into the elevator to go to the fourth floor, the surgical wing, to wait for Rachel.

xxxxxxx

Quinn follows him, because she is worried. She's always going to care about Finn, no matter what. Don't get her wrong, she's in love with Sam now, but Finn was her first boyfriend, and that will always mean something for her.

She finds him sitting on the floor and she sits next to him.

"What did you mean by what you said earlier?", she asks, knowing he'll know what she's talking about.

"Exactly what I said", he says.

"I thought it was a car accident"

"It was. She was at the lake and she got into it and she wasn't coming out and then she did, coughing and crying, and she ran away. And I know her Quinn. I know she's depressed and she's dramatic and she was trying to kill herself. But I thought she was stronger. And then I remember the last couple of months since we broke up. She's been down, and lonely, and fuck, you and Santana and Kurt and Mercedes are always making fun of her and making her feel bad, and I wasn't there to make everything better, and I just-", and he loses it again.

Quinn hugs him to her chest while she cries. Because he's right. He's so right. And she feels like crap.

She sees Mr Schue show up, so she releases him, whispers a broken "I'm sorry" and leaves. Leaves the hospital and sits outside because she doesn't deserve to be there. Why does it always come down to this with her? Rachel's been nothing but nice to her, sure, maybe some ulterior motives, but she was still nice.

So she just sits alone on a bench and cries. Cries until Sam comes out looking for her and he sits with her and holds her while she cries, telling her it's not her fault.

And then Santana and Brittany appear, and Quinn yells at them for being insensitive and everything that Finn told her, and they hug her, and tell her they know, they know. And they all sit together outside of the hospital. Because, they're not going to leave. Rachel's one of them. They're still going to stay. Because they want to look into her eyes to tell her they're sorry.

xxxxxxx

It's been about four hours when the surgeon comes out to talk to them. By then everyone is with him, along with Rachel's dads, except for Sam, Quinn, Santana and Brittany. They all get up.

"Hi, I'm doctor Neela Rasgotra. Who are Rachel's parents?", she asks looking at everyone.

Leroy and Hiram Berry take a step forward. "We are", Leroy says.

"Well, Rachel had some internal bleeding, but we've managed to restore that. There were some complications during the surgery but in the end everything went swimmingly", she finishes smiling.

They all breathe a sigh of relief yet again, but he knows it's not over. It won't be over until she opens her eyes or... Well, the other alternative.

"How long till she wakes up?", Hiram asks.

"Well, that's up to Rachel right now. But we've already moved her to a private room as you requested and you can visit her now. It's in the sixth floor", she says, still smiling.

Hiram and Leroy both thank her and they all head up to the sixth floor. A nurse, tells them only two at a time, so Hiram and Leroy walk in first. They're in there about ten minutes before they come out and tell them they can go in. Everyone looks at Finn.

"Go ahead Finn", Leroy says. "You should go alone"

He nods, takes a deep breath and walks into the room. His breath hitches upon the sight of her. She has bandages on her face and her arms. Her leg up in a cast and a suspender. A bunch of cables and tubes go into and come out of her. And she's pale, _so pale_. He walks slowly to her and sits on the chair next to her bed. He grasps her hand and he can't help but miss her squeezing his back. A tear falls from his eye. "God, Rach. Please come back to me, please", he whispers.

He stays a couple of more minutes with her until he walks out, knowing everyone wants to come in. As soon as he goes out, Kurt stands up.

xxxxxxx

Kurt goes into the room and sits on the only chair that's there. God, she's pale, even paler than him. He holds her hand. "God, Rachel. Why? Just, why? Actually scratch that, I know why. Just, god, I'm sorry Rachel. I am so sorry. Please come back, everyone's a mess here. Finn's a mess. He needs you."

He kisses her forehead and walks out of the room, allowing Mercedes to come inside.

xxxxxxx

"Good Lord", Mercedes says as she sees Rachel. She sits on the chair, which is starting to get warm, and grabs her hand. "Girl, you listen to me, you need to come back so I can look into your eyes and tell you that I'm sorry. And look girl, everyone here is lost without you, so you fight girl, don't you dare and give up. God knows we need you"

She squeezes her hand and walks out. And then Mike and Tina go in.

xxxxxxx

She's still crying, she hasn't stopped since Kurt called her. She sits in a white chair and grabs Rachel's hand and she continues to cry and Mike grasps her shoulders. She doesn't say anything, and neither does Mike. They sit in silence and look at Rachel, praying she wakes up.

They both get up at the same time and let Puck and Artie go in.

xxxxxxx

"Jesus Berry", he says. He doesn't sit. He stands by her bed. "Fuck. You better come back, you hear me? Because my man is a fucking mess without you. And man, everyone is a fucking mess without you. So you come back, because we need you being on our asses"

He doesn't know what else to say. So he supposes he better leave and let someone else come in. Artie just looks at her sadly and says "We miss you Rachel", and then he rolls out.

He sees no one else need to come in, until he sees Blaine and Kurt dragging Sam, Quinn, Santana and Brittany.

Quinn looks at Hiram and Leroy and asks if they can go in. They nod and say only two at a time, so Sam and Brittany go inside, since Quinn and Santana wanted to go in together.

xxxxxxx

As they walk in Brittany gasps at the sight of Rachel so _lifeless_, and Sam has to agree. Brittany grabs her hand. "You need to come back Rachel. We need you. You are so special and you sing so pretty and we miss you. So come back", she says, kissing her forehead.

Sam just looks at her and sighs. "You better come back Rachel", he says. He doesn't think words will help much. But he still gets choked up, cause he'll never forget what Rachel did for him and his family.

They walk out and let Quinn and Santana in.

xxxxxxx

Quinn walks in and tears well up in her eyes. She goes to one side of her bed and grabs her hand. "God, Rachel", she gasps. "I am so sorry. I've been such a bitch to you when you don't deserve it. And I am really sorry", she says. And she doesn't know what else to say, what is she supposed to say? She can't do any better than 'I'm sorry'.

Santana stays quiet for a moment, trying to keep herself together. Fuck, this is not like her. "Look Berry, you know me. I'm not one for apologies. I am sorry, but that's about all you're gonna get from me. What I am going to say is you better be back okay? Because it's all a fucking mess here without your annoying comments and stuff. And Hudson's a fucking mess. And you better never pull one of this again, ever again"

They have nothing more to say so they leave. And Hiram and Leroy come back inside.

xxxxxxx

They never leave. It's been twenty four hours since they arrived at the hospital and nobody left. Hiram and Leroy tried to make them go away to their houses to at least take a shower, but they weren't budging. Finn's sitting in the chair kind of asleep when he senses some movement and hears some coughing. He opens his eyes and sees Rachel's big, wide, chocolate eyes looking back at him. He doesn't react at first until he realizes.

"Rachel! You're awake!", and he's holding her hand and looking at her.

"What are you doing here?", she croaks out.

He frowns. "Do you remember what happened?", he asks.

She frowns, trying to remember. "I remember-I remember the lake", she whispers.

His look hardens. "Yeah, and then?"

"Finn-", she tries to begin, but he doesn't let her continue.

"You had a car accident. The road was slippery from all the rain and you lost control of you car. I was right behind you and I called 911", he explains.

"Why were you behind me?", she asks, and really? That's all she got from the whole situation.

"I was worried about you", he answers.

She nods. "Look Finn-"

"Why?", he asks.

She sighs. "Did you tell anyone?"

"The glee club", he says and she frowns. "We've all been here waiting for you to wake up", he explains. Her eyes widen. He grabs her hand. "We care about you Rach, we love you", he says looking straight into her eyes. She tears up and tries to move to hug him but she recoils from the pain. "You have a few broken ribs and you collapsed a lung"

She gasps and her eyes widen in horror. "Don't worry, you'll be able to sing. And after some physical therapy you'll be able to use your leg normally", he says chuckling.

She lets out a sigh of relief. "Thank you", she whispers. He smiles at her and goes to call her dads.

xxxxxxx

It's been about a month since her accident and she's finally done with her physical therapy. A lot has changed since then. Finn's told her all about what had happened while she was out, and she was kind of shocked. Well, they've had a lot of conversations. First him being really angry about what had happened at the lake. She tried to explain it to him and telling him she was sorry, but he was still angry. He said he was worried about her and he cared about her. She thanked him and hugged him and that was the end of it. But after that she found that she was never alone. Either she was with Finn, or Kurt, or Tina, or Mercedes or really, anyone from glee club, even Quinn or Santana.

They all had conversations with her, and Mr Schue and Ms Pillsbury demanded she go to counselling with Ms Pillsbury for a while if she wanted them to keep quiet about what had happened to her parents. Quinn and Santana both apologized, in their own ways, and they all were sort of friends now. She just sometimes wished it hadn't taken a near death experience for them to change.

She knows she overreacted, and she's sworn to herself (and Finn) that she'll never ever think of it again. And that's another thing that has changed. Finn. He's spending every minute available with her or texting her or calling her. She still loves him, she so sure of that, she's just worried about his feelings for her. Maybe he's just feeling guilty. So she decides to confront him.

They're in her room one afternoon, studying, when she turns to him and asks him, "Finn, what changed?"

He looks up startled. "What?"

"Why are you being so nice to me now?", she asks in a whisper and looking down.

He sighs and walks over to her bed and sits next to her. "I don't know"

"Was it the accident?", she asks dreading his answer.

"No. That day at lake I was thinking about you and everything that had happened between us. I was thinking that I had forgiven you, and that I miss you", he says, finally looking up at her.

Her breath hitches as he comes closer. "Finn", she breathes.

He stops. "I've been waiting, trying to regain your trust because fuck I miss you Rach, and I thought I'd never get another chance with you, and I'm sorry, if you're not ready, I can keep waiting, really-"

She laughs. "Finn", he stops talking and looks at her. "I miss you too"

He smiles, cups her face and leans closer to her and her his lips are touching hers and they're as soft as she remembers but, even better, and god, she's missed this. She sinks into him completely, her arms going around his neck, pulling him closer, while his hand grasp her waist doing the same. They break apart a few seconds later. "I love you", he breathes. "I never stopped Rach"

She gives him a watery smile, "Neither did I", she says smiling. And kisses him again.

Just then her door opens to reveal the whole glee club there.

"Oh great, now we'll have see them sucking face every day, but it was about damn time", Santana says as they pull away.

She just laughs as Finn hugs her. Sometimes if you hang on for a little while longer things will get better in a way you never expected them to.

xxxxxxx

**A/N: Well, that's done. I'm not exactly proud of it and how I handled everyone else's point of view and apologies, so sorry if it sucked. Anyways, hope you guys liked it. Sorry if it was too dark... Anyways, reviews are love and thanks for reading :D:D**


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